Another day, another hospital stay. I swear these doctors see my name and they automatically admit me into the hospital. This time, its not an infection, its my heart.

I simply cannot tell you how damn frustrating this whole thing is.

Last Tuesday I started to get some strange pains in my chest. Now, I’ve been getting throat irritation pretty bad from this radiation. It has caused me unbelievable pain just to drink water never mind eat anything. But this was a different pain, more centralized in my chest and much more painful. I decided that if it still hurt me the next day I would talk to my nurse when I went in for treatment.

Sure enough, it hurt worse the next day. After I received treatment I went and spoke with my nurse. I described the pain, told her where it was, the whole 9. She told me it was most likely throat irritation that was just way down on my wind pipe in my chest. I repeated to her that it was a much different pain, and that it was becoming a bit unbearable for me. She had my doctor prescribe some pretty potent pain killers---

Now, let me get off track for a second here. As you all know, I have been improving the bottom line for companies like Pfizer and AstraZeneca since I started chemotherapy. I have more prescriptions than I have room for in my medicine cabinet. Now, its a bit discouraging that I was being given yet another pill...not to mention a pain killer that is pretty serious (I’m not going to print the name of it, but it ain’t percocet...its much more hard core). A few years ago I would have been grabbing these pills and posting on my blog that they party was at my house! I’m in a much different place now, and I really want to keep my wits about. It may be a bit hard to understand, but I’ve been feeling so un-like myself for months that I have no interest in taking more medication...even if it helps with pain.

Okay - where was I?

So, she tells me its throat irritation. I go home. The fatigue has been kicking in a few hours after each radiation treatment. Taking an hour long nap has really helped. But now I’m at the point where I cannot lie flat on my back. Everytime I do this, the pain is unbearable. The pain is starting to travel up my neck now. I was out of breath from walking up a single flight of stairs. I spent all night awake with these cold shakes...I must have had a fever...but I was so tired, and its so hard to fall asleep in bed sitting up, I just didn’t move.

The next day (Thursday) Jenn didn’t like the way I looked in the morning. She asked me a couple times if I was okay to drive in to treatment. Of course, I said I was...and I really thought I was. I drove in to the hospital to get my treatment, and the second I stepped in there a group of nurses who I have come to know told me they didn’t like the way I looked. The decided to put my radiation off for a couple hours while they took me to the recovery room for observation.

My nurse came in and I told her that the pain was worse and that it was starting to move up to my neck. That must have thrown up some sort of flag (finally). They made arrangements for me to have an EKG and an echocardiogram that morning. While they were making the arrangements, they sent me in to get my radiation treatment (really can’t miss these). When I came out, it was up to the emergency room.

Now, I am convinced that these hospitals have me on some sort of VIP list. They enter the name PORZIO and I always seem to be immediately admitted. Its getting pretty old, but once I started to get these tests done I knew I wasn’t going anywhere. My cell phone was in my car which was in the parking garage, so I borrowed a nurse’s cell phone to call Jenn and tell her to bring my toothbrush...Daddy’s spending the night again.

Jenn was on her way to the hospital now. I had an EKG (the test where they put all the electrodes all over your body to measure your heart) test and the reading were slightly different than the last one I had (during February’s stay)...this causes concern. After sitting around for a couple hours they sent me up for an echocardiogram (its like an ultrasound for the heart). The “echo” revealed some fluid around my heart...not good.

Now, I just want to kick something...anything. Another ‘effin’ problem. I can’t describe how frustrating this is. Seems that the radiation that my heart was exposed to caused the fluid to build up around it. It hurts pretty bad, and I cannot get comfortable.

This really sucks.

So after waiting for hours and hours I finally got my room. This time, I didn’t have a private room like all the other times...now, I have a roommate. Obviously, I’m in no mood to be social. I really just want to relax, find out whats going on with my heart, go home and watch FX’s Thief on my Tivo. But I learned pretty quick that my roommate wasn’t in great shape either. He was hacking, coughing, spitting, you name it. Jenn and I couldn’t help but overhear the doctors talk about his bronchitis, emphysema, and collapsed lung.

More blood work, more EKGs, more medical talk, and more doctors! Jenn and Dante hung with me for the night...then, it was time for them to get home. They left, and I was alone with my now snoring roommate. I watched a bit of the telly, and then they sleeping pills caught up.

The next day I was wheeled down in the wheelchair to radiation oncology (told you, can’t miss them) to get my treatment. Then I was immediately brought back up to hang out in my hospital room for hours waiting to hear what was going on with me. Jenn came to the hospital (Dante was in daycare for the day). The doctors told me that I definitely had pericarditis (fluid around the heart)...they said that it was more than likely that it came as a result of the radiation (as opposed to being from a virus). There was no treatment plan except for me to take it very slow, finish up the radiation, and it should diminish within a few weeks. I have to take a massive amount of ibuprofen around to keep the swelling around my heart down. Doctors told me that if it did get any worse, I would definitely feel it and that I should head straight to the hospital.

I was finally released from the hospital after 48 hours of observation. I walked very slowly to the car and pretty much went straight to bed.

I’m in the home stretch of this radiation thing...so close I can taste it. Four more left. I left the hospital in the same pain as I came in.