Is it possible to feel so incredibly awesome and yet feel so horrible at the same time? It is... and I’m feeling it.

Last Friday saw me getting chemo #4 (we’re halfway through, folks), and I instantly felt like I got hit by a runaway pack of rhinoceroses. Yeah, I’m over the chemo hump, but this crap is getting pretty old quick. The baby has been waking up throughout the night crying, so I haven’t been able to get the sleep I probably need to feel remotely normal. Now, don’t misunderstand me, I’m not complaining about the baby, I am so happy that he his home and I get to be around him as he starts to take in his world... but the truth is I’m getting some heavy drugs that are beating the hell out of me, and lack of sleep is definitely not helping me. As anybody who has kids knows, its frustrating.

So, I still feel like crap... even a week later. I haven’t left the house at all this week. I haven’t done any Christmas shopping. I ain’t feeling too jolly about the “most wonderful time of the year.” But there is something I feel good about... and its pretty big news...

Drum roll, please...

Seems that yours truly is kicking some cancer ass! (Sorry, Santa) I got the results from my fan-tab-u-lous PET scan while I was receiving my chemotherapy. My oncologist said that the results were “exactly what we would want them to be.” Which is pretty sweet. The tumor-mass has shrunken in my chest. Though there will always be some sort of mass there (scar tissue) for the rest of my life, it will be easy to watch in the future to see if it grows in size... which, by the way, it won’t... cause I said so.

The most important piece of info is that there is no evidence that the cancer has spread to my bone marrow. I cannot tell you what a sigh of relief this is. I am trying my best to have a positive face through all this, but there are many things that cause panic on the inside... bone marrow cancer was one of them.

Just thinking about this right now makes me a bit emotional.

So, I’m invigorated a bit... just wish I felt better. Its a bit hard to look forward to the holidays when even moving just a little bit hurts, and you have to constantly question if the people around you are sick. Jenn and I will make an attempt to do our holiday rounds with Dante this year. We really want to share him with everyone, but the fear of germs looms pretty big. We’re constantly reminded that I can’t afford any illness... it really takes away from the fun I would normally be having this time of year. ESPECIALLY with my new son!

Like always, it is what it is.

The night before my chemo treatment Jenn and I attended her company holiday party. Jenn’s aunt came over to watch Dante for a couple hours while we went to get our groove on. Actually, it wasn’t much of a groove. I kept a distance from people (and the alcoholic drinks) as best I could... I cannot wait until that first beer when I’m done with this cancer stuff.

Anyways. I couldn’t even eat the food because it was buffet style, as I’m not supposed to eat food thats been “out in the elements.” But nevertheless, the party was a good time. We didn’t stay very long, but it was so nice to see so many people that constantly ask about me. I felt pretty good that night, so it was nice for me for people to see me with some energy.

Jenn’s company was acquired by a much larger and much “public-er” company a little while back, so it was nice to meet a lot of the new names and faces of the people I’ll be “tearing it up” with next year. These people, and this company, have been so good to Jenn and I over the last few months. They have really lifted us in some times of need. A lot of them are reading this right now, and I want them all to know how much their generosity means to me. It really is an honor to feel part of this family.

So, in conclusion... Santa brought me exactly what I wanted... a favorable scan result. Dante will probably get every toy/cute outfit imaginable from his grandparents this weekend. Jenn’s gotta get something!... I mean, come on now, something! :)

Shhh... I got her something before I had my chemo treatment.

If I don’t make it back down to my computer over the weekend, I wish you all a Merry Christmas! For those who don’t know, my sister Amanda’s birthday is Christmas Eve, so make sure you wish her a happy birthday!

Now, for all those “cousins” of mine calling and posting on my web site, below is a new picture of Dante... so there.